Do any of these sentences sound familiar?

“I can’t do it.”

“I am not getting any better at this!”

“I don’t have time.”

“It’s not good enough.”

“I messed up.”

“I’m so behind.”

I’ve been guilty of some pretty poor negative self-talk in the past!

What I’ve learnt is to focus on asking myself two questions:

• What is this moment teaching me?

• What am I learning as a consequence?

It isn’t easy at times but if you can shift how you think about something, you build resilience and recover quicker from the knock or setback. Learning to reframe helps you to ease up on yourself, recognise when your inner critic or as Professor Steve Peters calls ‘the chimp brain’ starts to kick in, so you can soothe it and understand what is happening.

In our brains we have two different thinking areas, the cortex where thinking takes place and the orbito-frontal cortex which works with our feelings and emotions which is linked to the amygdala.

One side of our brain thinks automatically (the cortex) and the other is based on our emotions (the amygdala). Our ‘chimp brain’ is the impulsive side that takes over and makes us do things that we regret based on our emotions. It is also where our negative self-talk can get stuck if we don’t take care to move into a positive and resilient place.

When you’re calm and have your emotions under control, it is much easier to look for the growth mindset moments to learn, reflect and reset. It means you learn how to bounce back more quickly from potential disappointments with your wellbeing intact.

Have a look at those negative thoughts again and how they can be reframed.

Thought about a reframe?

I can’t do it = I can’t do it yet

I’m not getting any better at this! = Changing my brain takes time and
effort

I don’t have time = It’s not a priority

It’s not good enough = It’s good enough for today

I messed up = I’m learning and I’m human

I’m so behind = What have I achieved?

To help you on your way to reframe and reposition a negative, ask yourself these questions:

• If your best friend were here right now and they had to honestly describe how you are acting, what do you think they would say? More importantly what you think they would suggest you need to improve?
• On a scale of 1 to 10 with ten being an unbelievably positive attitude and one being a fairly negative attitude where would you rate yourself today?
• What are you willing to do to move towards a ten?
• What help and support do you need to make that move to ten?
• Write down a time when you had a brilliantly positive attitude. What were you doing? How did you feel?
• What can you do today to bring back that energy?