Where you have a role to lead a team, look after yourself and ensure the mental health of your family are all in the best shape, it can feel overwhelming. Especially if you have a personality type where you might have a tendency to look after everyone else first! Resilience describes a person’s capacity to cope with changes and challenges; and to bounce back during difficult times. It isn’t about carrying on regardless with your wellbeing in pieces.
Like many working parents, I’ve hit some real lows in juggling work, home schooling and keeping my own mental health on track, especially over the past few years in amongst the pandemic.
Here is what I have learnt about managing stress and building psychological strength.
Look after yourself first
There is a really good reason, why during the safety briefing on an airplane, you’re asked to put on your own oxygen mask first before supporting others. It might go against your natural instinct, but if you’re ok, then you’re in the best shape and place to support those around you.
Develop your own self awareness
Learn to see when you need to ask for support. Asking for help is one of the strongest things you can do for yourself. Start to see patterns of what happens when you’re taking regular breaks, eating properly, sleeping, getting outside each day and have the basics in your life on track. How do you feel? What starts to happen when the opposite is the case? What do you notice that you need?
Be honest with yourself
Acknowledge and accept you are beginning to see changes in the way you react. This could be you’re more withdrawn, disconnected or perhaps no longer have the ability to see friends, family and engage in your work or life as you once used to. You are tired all of the time, no longer have the energy to do what you love and feel void, like living on autopilot but without feelings. If these low feelings last continually for two weeks – seek support from your doctor or health care professional.
Watch out for negative self-talk
When tired and feeling stretched sometimes your negative self-talk can become stronger.
- I know it won’t work.
- It’s just no use.
- I never have enough time.
- I never know what to say.
Look to shift to phases that work for you:
- I have worked things out before and I know I will again this time
- I trust myself, I can act and think differently
- I have everything I need to be able to do this
- I can ask for help and support to work out what I want to say or do
Focus on what you can do
You might not be able to control a decision or something that is happening around you, but you can always control and influence how you respond and react. Try the 10 second rule. Before responding, count to ten slowly, pause and then respond. Be curious, wondering and interested rather than defensive and taking whatever is happening personally.
Build on your strengths
To help you regain your confidence during times of change and uncertainty develop your strengths. Remind yourself what your natural talents are.
- What do you love to do?
- Where might want you want to grow?
Tap into what you do naturally. It will help boost your confidence as you remind yourself what you enjoy and are good at too!
Not sure where to start?
- When are you at your most productive? What are you doing?
- Take a strengths personality test
Create three headings on a piece of paper with the headings. Here are mine as an example. You can use the headings below or create your own.
Personality traits
- Accurate
- Curious
- Flexible
- Empathetic
Knowledge-based
- Marketing
- Accounting
- Project management
- Web design
Transferrable
- Good communicator
- Detail orientated
- Problem-solving
- Bi-lingual
Review your stress bucket
You might have heard of the stress container or stress bucket. It is used as part of the Mental Health First Aider training to help identify all the stresses that are piling up and then uses a tap at the bottom of the bucket to see what you can do to help yourself release some of those stresses, so the bucket doesn’t overflow.
- How aware are you of your stress bucket?
- What can you do you make sure your foundations are in place? (sleep, diet, vitamin D, being outside, limiting social media, connecting with friends and family)
- How can you get outside today?
- Who can you talk to?
Each day, reflect on 3 things you’re grateful for
Neuroscience, which is the study of how the brain works, has discovered that practising gratitude actually rewires the brain to be happier. Be intentional each day to recognise what you’re grateful for. If this is a new idea for you, it is taking notice of your every day. If insomnia is part of your life, it could be that you are grateful for a certain numbers of hour sleep, it might be you’re grateful for a friend who has called, you’re grateful for the sun shining on a crisp autumn day, it will be personal and meaningful for you. You can also practice showing gratitude by saying thank you, appreciating and sharing that will those around you.
Take action
Take a look at what you can control and influence. Take small steps and take action in those areas. You might have a to do list that is out of control. Look at what you can stop, delegate and reprioritise it into smaller chunks.
Make connections
Make sure you’re talking to family, friends, or via an employee assist line at work about how you’re feeling. Invite a friend over a bite to eat, a walk in the park or a coffee in a local coffee shop. If you notice you’re withdrawing a little, reconnect with colleagues or friends/ family or with whoever makes you feel lifted and gives you energy.
Once you start to get your wellbeing on an even keel, this contributes to building your resilience and in turn builds your confidence.
If you’re interested in finding out more here some useful links and resources:
Mental Health England – Resources resources to support work/ life/ stress/ mindfulness/ wellbeing/ anxiety
Action for Happiness – Keep Calm. Stay Wise. Be Kind tools and techniques to support your wellbeing
Spiffy – Spiffy – The Happiness Shop resources to help you live a fulfilling life
